I TRIED TO APOLOGIZE AND IT ENDED WITH THE POLICE BEING CALLED!

I walked across to a neighbors to apologize for something that happened last October. Earlier in the evening I opened my door and told her Happy Easter and she responded with the same. I asked if they had gotten a new car and she said no that her husband had rented it for the weekend. I noticed that they had guest on their porch so I decided to keep to myself. Later it was just her, so I went over to offer an apology. She was eating something, I asked her if they had been at the other neighbors and she told me no they had been at her mothers all day. I told her that one of the neighbors was kind enough to bring me two plates full of food from the home where the Easter gathering was held. I sent thank yous to both of them. I asked if I could talk to her and she said no get off of my property I said fine I would stand on the public sidwalk, but she went inside her home, she came back out with the phone and had called the police, I promptly went back to my home. She was irate to say the least, ranting and raving at the top of her lungs, brought several neighbors out of their homes. I just kept saying that all I was trying to do was apologize. She came from two yards away onto my stup and was nose to nose with me yelling in my face, I put out my hand which was on her chest and told her to get off of my property, she started screaming at me hit my hand away and was in my face again, so I grabbed her by the hair and forced her to the ground and told her to let go of me, she had my cane between us and a hold of my jacket and wouldn't let go. The neighbor came down and put her in a bear hug and told me to let go, I said that I didn't have a hold of her, that she was the one that wouldn't let go of me! First there was one neighbor trying to calm her down, again she was irate! They wanted to know where her husband was and I told them he was down the street. Then there were three neighbors trying to calm her down. Next thing I knew was her husband was pounding on my porch, yelling at me that he was going to kill me, I told him really, he said I'm going to kill you bitch. So I in turn called the police for fear of my life. I went back onto my enclosed porch because a second police car was here and I knew that I needed to talk to them. Now they want to prosecute me for defending myself! What is this world comming to when you can't even apologize to someone. I believe it is a sad sad place that they must be in, to hate that much.

NEIGHBORS / FRIENDS / FORGIVENESS

Dear Lord, I come to you as humble as I know how. I confess my sins, those known and unknown. Lord you know I am not perfect and I fall short everyday of my life, but I want to take time out to say thank you for your mercy. Thank you for my family, my friends, a roof over my head, food on my table, and everything I have ....

Lord our God has given us free will. Lord our God, has given us the power to forgive each other also. During a breakdown, I have made mistakes, snap judgments and spoken harsh words to my neighbors/friends. I have tried to mend many fences, some are mending slowly, some I feel are beyond repair. At least from their side of the fence, because they won't even give me the chance to speak to them. Some I feel are being nice but I'm not sure they are sincere. I still feel I here whispers behind my back.

These Neighbors have formed friendships and I have been excluded, they help each other, check on each other when they know someone is feeling down, upset or ill. I am ill quite often, yet no one ever checks to see if I need anything. They gather together and the few attempts I have made to join them have been very uncomfortable, certain one just leave. Which I feel like I should be the one leaving.

I am who I am, not perfect by any means. I don't put on airs, what you see is what you get. I am a person with feelings, and they get hurt often. Not just by my neighbors but my family as well. 

The neighbors that I have "mended fences with" don't really seem to be friends but simply neighbors.  If that is what is meant to be then so be it. In the end the Lord our God is the only one who will judge me and that is all that matters.

I HAD TO TAKE A BREAK FROM BLOGGING/NEEDED TO GET A MORE POSITIVE OUTLOOK!

My life has been filled with ups and downs. I have finally realized that things could be a lot worse than I think they have been. Besides the Emotional and Physical Illnesses that keep me on Disability, I am truly blessed, you see I am surrounded by people that love me very much. From family to new friends to old friends to high school friends. My new philosophy in life is that I am "WORSE THAN SOME, BUT BETTER THAN MOST". So today is the beginning of my new life..... I will no longer let the small stuff hold me back, I will no longer be dragged into others DRAMA! I will start looking at the beauty all around me that the good LORD has put on this earth for us to enjoy. The power of positive thinking is indeed a very powerful thing and I intend to use it to the fullest. I urge each and everyone of you to do the same! I also believe that the small things that each of us can do to protect our earth, is huge when we ALL make an effort. I'm not just talking about making it beautiful to the eyes but also to the ears. We can do so much by just doing little things like smiling at someone or opening a door, saying please and thank you. Things that I grew up knowing as manners, which our society today has seemed to have forgotten. I like the "PAY IT FORWARD" theory, in fact I believe in it, I have seen it work.

 I hope you all have a Blessed day filled with Joy!

I've changed the title of my blog to / LIVING LIFE!!

This is going to be a short posting today because I have some living to do!! I have finally realized and made the decision to LIVE LIFE focusing on the moment in front of me instead of the past or the things that I have NO CONTROL over!

God has blessed each and every one of us (FREE WILL) and it is my intention to use that free will to look at and enjoy all of natures beauty and take full advantage of it. On the days that I AM lucky enough to get out of bed, I'm going to live the day to the fullest. Go to water workouts, then grab my camera and capture some of that beauty. On days my body just won't corporate, I will use the time to journal about the about some of the beauty I was able to catch!!

I encourage each and everyone of you to get into the positive mindset, and LIVE IN THE MOMENT!!!

Have a great day and remember stay "COOL"!

REALIZING YOU SHOULD LIVE WITH NO REGRETS AND THE FREEDOM IT BRINGS

I am sitting here tonight, listening to a lot of lyrics from different artist. A lot of whom have touched places in my heart as I am sure has happened to most of you. If I could sit down and put them in chronological order as to what was happening in my life at the time, they could tell my life's story. One artist in particular made me realize that dwelling on the past, well, he said it best......"There is no such thing as what might have been, that's a waste of time, will just drive you out of your mind" ~ Tim McGraw~ Red Rag Top~ I have loved that song for a very long time and just tonight, I realize why. It has made me realize that my choices in life, starting back when I was 17, was in fact the right choice, I decided to have my daughter. Although, some of the decisions that were made at the time were out of my hands, I knew that keeping her was the one thing that I could control, she was in me and no one could change that but me. She has brought me so much feeling it is hard to put into words. She has made me feel unconditional love as a infant, and toddler, feel frustration in her single digit ages, aggravation as a teenager (is there any parent who hasn't felt that..lol). But most of all the satisfaction of watching her bloom into a beautiful woman and mother of three!! She has brought me full circle, with a lot of life and lessons learned in between. But most importantly, she has made me feel like I did a good job raising her, the values and determination she has towards her own children verify that I had a small part in her mothering skills, be it the good times or some of the trials we went through. I watch her with her own children and see the confidence she has instilled in them, the talent she has helped emerge in them, the personalities that she has let each of them develop. It is because of who she has become, I am bursting with pride to know that I had a some influence in the woman and mother she has become.

I dedicate this post to my oldest daughter, I love you and am so proud of whom you have become!!

THE HARDEST THING A MOTHER HAS TO DO IS LET ONE OF HER CHILDREN LEARN A LESSON THE HARD WAY!

My son carelessly received his second DUI this past Saturday!! I am heart broken. I decided to let him spend the night in jail. He was not appreciative of my help to pick him up after his arraignment. He has no regard for his own life, much less others that he endangers when he is driving under the influence. He is in the group of young adults that for some reason think they deserve what WE have worked most of our lives to attain. He also suffers with depression, ADD, and possibly the onset of Schizophrenia!?!?! I am at my wits end, I am on disability for my own emotional and physical issues, I can no longer handle my sons disregard for others whom are trying to help him. He is rude and disrespectful not only to me but his grandparents! I feel like a failure as a parent to him, even though HE wore designer cloths, did all of the travel sports while in school, things I felt like I was doing to keep him out of this type of behavior. I guess you just can't predict how your children's lives will turn out, no matter how much you try to guide or encourage them to take the path that we feel would benefit them the most.

Right now I feel like he is playing Russian Roulette with his life!! Your call is as good as mine at this point!!

Anyone who has good advise as to how to help him I am interested in your opinion. PLEASE DO NOT RESPOND IF YOU JUST WANT TO BE A BLOW HARD, Because I really don't need bullshit right now.

I'M BETWEEN A ROCK AND A HARD PLACE

I have a son that is 22 and still wants to act like he is 16, wants no responsibilities, but all of the perks of being an adult!! I don't know what it is about this generation but they seem to think that they are entitled to everything WE have worked our asses off for the past 30 years???? I just don't get it!!! I think that things have gotten way out of control as far a parenting is concerned. You can't discipline your children when they are young so when they get older they think they can control you!!! The system is messed up.........all of the "do gooders" have made the world a much harder place to live.......the "tweens and 20 somethings" think they "deserve to have things on a silver platter"!! Well I'm here to tell you that's not going to happen, not in my world anyway. My 22 year old is going to have to learn the hard way, and it's for his own good!! As a mother, this is going to be a very hard thing I'm going to have to do. My life has been a constant battle with all of my children, but especially my son, I have been told by many therapist that he is going to have to hit bottom. I am afraid that it is just around the corner. This makes me very sad but on the other hand I hope it shocks him into reality because I'm starting to remember what it means to feel alive again!!

I am starting to put my life back together, I still have a lot of bridges to cross but I feel like I am finally on my way. With the help of really good friends I am realizing that for me it is best to live life in the present, not in the past and to not try to project what the future will bring.

Wish me luck, I'm going to be 50 and FABULOUS on Thursday Feburary 17th!!