I started out 20 yrs ago (then 30) still wondering what I was going to be when I grew up.....lol! Then along came an opportunity for me to learn the skills of becoming an Optician! I thought this is great because I'm a hands on learner and that is exactly what this job was going to be. (I never was good at learning from books.) So I started May 6Th 1987, I learned every detail of making eyeglasses from start to finish. It was very satisfying to watch that little girl or boy put on that pair of glasses, that I had made, and look around the room and actually see things clearly for the first time in their lives, WOW! So day in and day out I was an "Optician". I would get caught up in the lab and wander out to the front office where it was always a revolving door of people coming in and out picking up or picking out a pair of new glasses. So I slowly learned the In's and outs of the front office as well. The more I learned the more valuable I became and the more money I earned. Then the opportunity presented itself for me to become the Lab Manager, this meant more money and it would be my turn to train someone to do the part of the job I used to do. Now I was the teacher, you see in Optical when you make a pair of glasses you have to be very precise, everything HAS to be perfect. (I guess this is where my OCD started to develop).
After 16yrs working at a private practice office, an opportunity came about for me to make a move to a Wholesale lab, more money, more benefits, better hours, I mean what was there to think about, right, well I left out the part about MORE STRESS, working under managers, not to mention UPPER MANAGEMENT!!! What I thought was going to be a great career move turned out to be the catalyst that put me on the road to where I am today.
Today I am on disability, I suffer from Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Insomnia, Hyperreflexia, Degenerative Disc. Disorder, Spinal Stenosis, Arthritis and Fibromyalgia. I live in pain everyday. Some days are better some are worse, but everyday there is some degree of pain.
I am no longer an Optician, I tried going back to work at the same private practice office and I just couldn't do it. I am no longer a runner. I am no longer a cyclist. I can no longer handle being in loud crowded places without being medicated. I am no longer the grandmother I would like to be, I just get too stressed out. My house is no longer cleaned like I wish it was. I am no longer able to take care of my yard like I used to. I no longer accept invitations to go out with friends, it is a HUGE effort just to shower and get ready to go out. Now the only time I go out is for Dr. appointments, or grocery runs (and I painfully pay for that the next day). My home has become my refuge. My computer and cell phone are my lifeline to the outside world. I am no longer the person that I used to be. The days of going out, telling jokes, laughing, feeling like I belonged are long gone.
Today, I feel like I no longer know who I am, I don't recognise the person in the mirror. I feel out of place when I do make it to a function even if it is a family one. I feel unappreciated, unwanted and LOST.
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