After my last relationship with the "Psycho" I took a break from dating. I concentrated on myself, started running and also got some counseling. I needed to know why I had so many failed relationships. I wish I could have learned more but unfortunately counseling did little to help.
I started casually dating, dinner and drinks, nothing serious. But then things changed and I would meet someone who seemed to want a relationship, they would call all the time, we would make plans to go places, meet with other couples but then things would come to a screeching HALT. They had just come out of a bad relationship and was just wanting a casual thing!! Total heartbreak for me, you see, I was looking for a committed relationship that would eventually lead to marriage. But that was not to be, I was the official REBOUND girl!! This not only happened once but several times to me, I couldn't catch a break.
I still to this day do not understand, I let my walls down, let men get close but still no one wants a relationship with me. I wonder, maybe I have been alone so long that I don't know how to be a partner, maybe I don't know how to compromise, maybe I'm so damaged that I just think I'm letting my walls down. All I know is that I am very confused about finding someone to share my life with. I have friends that are newly divorced and already have a steady relationship.
What is wrong with me?? I'm attractive, smart, can carry on a conversation, have security, my own home and car. I keep a clean home, and appearance. My children are grown, and have children of their own. So no baggage with Ex's. What else are men looking for that I don't have??
In June of 2006 I started having some medical issues. I have become depressed, stressed, have anxiety attacks, insomnia. Jan 2007 brought pneumonia, and a hysterectomy, June 2007 brought a cervical fusion C 5,6,7 a titanium rod and 3 screws, October 2007, a broken right foot. From there things went further downhill, I could no longer run (to painful). I developed, fibromyalgia, arthritis, spinal stenosis, degenerative disc. disease, hyperreflexia and now maybe a thyroid problem. I have gained 25lbs in a month!?!? I fear I'm becoming a "SHUT-IN". Living with all of these illnesses, well, I live with chronic pain, I am no longer able to run, I am no longer able to hold down a job.
I no longer want to take a chance on dating again, I don't believe I can handle being rejected again. My emotional physic can't take the heartbreak. Truthfully at this point in my life, I do good to take care of me and my two pups. I probally wouldn't be able to handle a relationship if I was lucky enough to find a man that would want to take ME with all of my medical issues. I believe I've missed that window of finding a partner. So now it is I with the COMMITMENT ISSUES...........LOST!
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